Rian Kassidy: Letter 12

Dear Sayangs;

It's nearing the end of the semester of my final year now. It's actually the last week of my final semester. I'm kinda lost right now to be honest. What to do... where to go? I still can't decide. So I guess I'm gonna try interviewing for anything and everything? Haha. The Father's interfering again. As usual. I really could strangle him if he were not my Father -_-"

By the way, finals are coming up in about a week and there are still classes and tests and tonnes of assignments. I'm a bit burnt out. Okay, fine. A lot burnt out. I don't know if I'd be able to rest well and be re-energised enough to face the finals. Cane dengan cita-cita nak naikkan CGPA kalau cani??

***

Talking about being in the final semester... a firm-mate of mine sent a cute text message last night. Saying he'd miss me and another firm-mate when it's over. And I got melancholic all of a sudden. School's finishing. Will things change? Will the friendship we built suffer?

One thing fo'sho: no more allowances!! Eep!!

***

Regarding the boyfriend.. well, Ezra and I... it sometimes... I don't know how else to explain how I feel right now except that it feels like this <-- linksilatekan!!. It's tiring walking in a landmine. It gets so hard sometimes that I get so down. It feels like I'm losing him. Losing the essence of what it was. He used to smile brightly just by the sight of me... he used to say, "You make my problems go away." But now... it seems like I've lost it. I don't have that anymore. If he's upset and stressed out... I seem to stress him out even more whenever he sees me. I feel like another person has taken my place when he prefers to talk to this new friend of his, Zaza.

Do I sound bitter for thinking that? Do I sound petty? Selfish? These thought run through my mind whenever I think I'm losing him just because he prefers to talk to someone else. Because I think... who am I to feel like that? But then again, I also thought it's because I am who I am that I have the right to feel really, really bothered. Because I am his girlfriend. And I was that person to him. I was. It's not like I never was and he finally found someone he could talk to. No. I.Was.That.Person.

Agh. Shucks. I don't know. Kusut sial.

***

Right. Enough about me. How are you guys? Primadona are you okay? Read your alternate story... and it sounded like something's wrong. Are you okay? You sent me a text asking for an opinion... and to come here... but I don't see any letters from you. Are you okay? I'm kinda worried here ><

Roosa, Olalla T. Sanz and KetamSenget.. I hope you guys are all fine and dandy =))

Love,

Rian Kassidy

there's something inside me

that pulls beneath the surface

consuming, confusing

this lack of self-control

I fear is never-ending