Rian Kassidy: Letter 5

Dear darlings,

Josh and I are taking a break right now.

And as I'm writing this...we're actually IMing on FB.
He just asked me whether we'd be able to work on us once I'm less busy.

(and no. I've no fckin idea when the "less busy part" will ever be.)

And whether I'm seeing another guy.
And lotsa other stuff.

So yeah.
We're actually being honest and straightforward about this.

But somehow... it doesn't feel like when I'm with Ezra.
When words flow with ease.

Angau factor?
Maybe.
Dem.
Bahaya betul when Ezra is so much like Kyuri.
Falling flat on my face is not something I'd want to experience again.

Talked about Ezra and I btw with Black last night.
We went out with a couple of friends and he read my texts with Ezra and asked me wtf's going on.

So yeah, had a lengthy conversation.

He told me he doesn't like it.
That he's on Josh's side.
Bla3. Yada3.

And o yeah.
He also said that he doesn't like Ezra either.

One thing -

(or maybe there's more)

- that I realised after having these talks is that..
Josh is a nice guy.
A really, really, genuinely nice guy.
And that it'd be a big loss on my part if I let go of him.
And that I'm actually sad that this happened when I'm with a really, really good guy.

But at the same time...
I realised that I don't feel sad about losing the relationship.

Agh! Jam siall.

That should sorta answer ketamsenget's question?
Sorta.
Can't really think right now.

And to answer Olalla's question...
it was over a sorta stupid matter.
Saya terasa dengan sesuatu yang telah diperkatakannya.
So saya cam bengang...
patu dia plak bengang...
patu sama2 bengang.

Patu sama2 cakap sorry dan made up.

Patu kami sama2 jumpe for lunch.
Dan kami terpaksa senyum lebar mase nampak each other across the road.
Terasa lama betul traffic nak clear time tuh.
Dem.

Mase gado tu saya sesunggunya rasa macam nak teleport pegi jumpa dia.
Dan cakap sorry dengan profusenya.
Tapi obviously la tak mampu kan.

Rasa juga sedih.
Dan kelakar.

Ye kami kelakar.

Love,
Rian Kassidy

P/s:
1. Rooooosaaaaaaaaa!! Sila pilih warna, sila.
2. Primadona Razorblade has met him.
3. Melaka bila adalah tidak diketahui. Sibuk ><
4. Mau ke Ipoh juga!