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Let me tell you one thing.

I have one big regret. I shouldn’t accept the offer. I knew what I love, my passion and interest but why did I accept the offer? Why did I retain myself in the firm? Why????

Salah satu regret paling besar dalam hidup kita, sebenarnya.

Pasal kita remain sini la kita lagi serabut sekarang ni.

Ok, let be just get it straight. I hate my job. Like really hate. I wake up every morning thinking of excuse of not coming to work. I look at the clock every time, hoping that the clock will struck 5.30pm so that I can pack my bag and leave the office.

I even hate to have lunch here.

I look forward to weekends, more than any other normal person. Like today is Wednesday, I already am excited for weekends, SERIOUSLY.

So I talked to my mum today. Actually I talked to them parents since a month ago rasanya, before puasa and all that. Dad said “give it a try”. Mak said “do what you love, (somewhere in between la, actually).

So yeah, talked to my mum and she sounded a bit concerned. I talked while ironing my tudung to work, and I realized that I forced myself not to cry. I don’t know why, but yeah, rasa macam nak menangis. My mum said “gaji macam mana?”.

Waaa, I really need you girls badly. I seriously do. I mean, I know I hate my job but I want to make my parents happy. I hate my job to the point that I feel like tendering; a 24hours notice all the time and pay RM7,000 to the firm. Yeah, that bad.

But the thing is, I love money. The only thing I splurge is food. I haven’t go out shopping for shirt, I’ve been wearing Baju Kurung all the way since July, seluar jarang gila dah pakai, malas, tak ada mood.

How can I get good salary nowadays?

Or is it passion will drive you to your journey?

Its obvious. Kalau tak ada mood, I will not dress up. I look like a dork. Seriously like a dork. I lost a lot of weight. I think I am in a depressed stage.

I want to get away from my current job. The thing is, I have lack of confidence. I did litigation all the way throughout my chambering but in my last 1 month plus, I did corporate. I didn’t do convey, at all. AT ALL. So when they offered me to be under my current boss, I was told that “she’s more on documentation.” Documentation my arse, just say la its convey.

Freaking convey.  I hate convey all my life. I cant live in the office all the time, my brain doesn’t work that way. I hate it. I really hate it all my heart.

So sekarang I am a 4 months full fledge lawyer with convey and corporate experience. I want to move out, tapi ada ke orang yang nak?

I love the thrill, I love the reading, I love analyzing the facts and I love reading.

So why am I here?

And reading “Quarter Life Crisis” is not helping me at all. Nothing at all.

GAH I HATE MY JOB.

Primadonna Razorblade